Thursday, September 19, 2013


Sept 19... International Talk Like A Pirate Day... The day of all days... One in which frolicking ridiculousness, piracy, and swashbuckling is not only tolerated but supported and encouraged to unparalleled heights! When I left the Connecticut suburbs post-college graduation to take on the Big Apple 10 years ago, a group of similar-minded cohorts threw me and a good friend of mine a pirate going away party. We were ordered to dress up in pirate gear at a designated time and place, where we were abducted, blindfolded, and swept away to another friend's home. Here, after dashing heroics through the rain and up the stairs, we were forced to "walk the plank" which involved being pushed onto a mattress covered with a blue blanket while the Pirates of the Caribbean film score was playing in the background. For the rest of the day we drank grog, engaged in general merriment, and it may have been here that the very first Pirate poem was written and performed. (I have a bit of a reputation for getting tipsy, writing and then reading poetry in public places... Often on chairs... )There may have been a hiatus for a year or two, but thus began the tradition of writing a poem about pirates every year on September 19. Now, the purpose of this blog is not to detail the inner-workings of this particular holiday. I direct you to the official website for that information...

This blog IS, however, a home for absurdity and the importance of sharing it with the masses. Today is another day for soul-rambling, this time about the perils of Parisian pirates. You will find below not only my newest poem, but a Chronology of those from years past if you so choose to be brought up to date. Spend the day dancing in ridiculousness and piratical praise...


Les Rêves de Pirates by Angela Lewonczyk

Of dreams, all pirates have a vision, glimmering and clear,
Not just of buried treasure and imbibing grog or beer.

But looking through the distance, seeing lights from heavens shine,
They hear the call of new adventure yearning to be thine.

For many years the wish of love and frolicking so free,
Has been the wish of Pirates with their hearts set on Paris.

To swashbuckle on Notre Dame or pillage Père Lachaise,
When raiding Trocadéro, "Oui! Avast!" is what they says.

Instead of brigantines the metro-lubbering will reign,
Though Davy Jones will happily reside under La Seine.

And nothing can prevent pursuit of ravagement or wenching,
Le roi des pirates, Captain of seductive Paris-quenching.

No matter what the land, the blethering of pirate lingo,
will lilt with any pirate chanty readying to sing, oh!

The pirate conquest planned from past ideals and romance,
Is now mission accomplished with an aaaarrr and Vive La France!


CIRCA 2012

A Pirate Poem By Angela Lewonczyk

Last year pirates toured the seas to Paris and beyond,
While this year pirates lounge about at home.
But whether traipsing far and wide or taking a sweet nap,
the pirates of hearts are always known.

Sometimes I wish that pirates were the ones that make the rules,
some swashbuckling, some grog, some chivalry.
I'd sail the seas on ships of gold, a singing pirate wench,
allowing pirate kings to ravage me ; )

Next year I'll return abroad, in pirate decadence,
to aaaarrrrr and aye avast a la francais!
The landlubber of NYC will take to swirling seas
and live the pirate life for all her days!!!

CIRCA 2011
Parisian Pirates
A Pirate Poem: By Angela Lewonczyk
Pirates are everywhere all through the world
They drink every continent's grog.
Though soon I will frolic to Paris and France
Sweet pirates will sail through the fog.
Instead of a tricorn there might be berets
Instead of some rum will be wine
But swashbucklin' gallantry never will fail
Though cheese may replace salty brine.
A pirate wench, mermaid, and lady am I
Frolicking, fencing, and free
But always combined with the feminine wiles
Of elegant French coquetry.
Bon boyage, oh me hearties, Bonjour, aye, and avast!
I shall sail to your shores with great savvy
Bedecked with some charm and some sweet savoir-faire
They'll say there she blows! And merci ; )

CIRCA 2010
"The Continuing Saga of Claire"
A Pirate Poem by Angela Lewonczyk
The great cosmic wave of piratical bliss
is never to end in despair
For just as with every new nautical tale
I'll continue the story of Claire...
For now Claire is made of mer-magical stuffs
and her new ocean life is a dream.
She sings and she dances and spreads thoughts of love,
friends with manatees, starfish, and bream.
Her epic adventures will often involve
the piracy drama surfside.
The ships that will sail through Poseiden's domain
are oft overflowing with pride.
The great Pirate Captains that below commands,
though grog makes it hard to quite fathom.
The First Mates that run on the deck all a tizzy,
protecting the Captain from bedlam.
The only thing missing from Pirate Perfection
is beauty to dazzle the crew.
A siren of infinite magical powers
to be the piratical muse.
Of course one sweet day our heroine Claire
was singing her shanties near land.
Seducing the landlubbers walking not far
to build fantasy castles in sand.
When along came a Captain, by name he is Jack
who was instantly captured by love.
His rambling soon became sonnets amour
and his heart sprouted wings like a dove.
He brought mermaid Claire to live on his great ship,
his tired First Mate got some rest.
For Claire was a songstress of infinite talent,
empowering Jack at his best.
The happiest days were not even upon
for the ship had eternal good cheer.
A swash and a buckle and booty to loot,
They were never again to have fear.

CIRCA 2009
"The Magical Tale of Claire"
A Pirate Poem by Angela Lewonczyk
Good morrow me hearties, it's time for a rant,
of another piratical tale.
This year I will herald the story of Claire,
one of piracy's greatest females.
Her adventure begins on a dark stormy night,
at the treacherous tip of the plank,
In her white heaving corset, the rain soaking through,
she is threatened to jump or say thanks.
For the vile Cap'n Seaweed had forced her sweet hand,
with his sword he had ravaged her grace.
And for all of these deeds she had spit in his eye
and refused to caress his gross face.
But what little they know of a woman with strength,
quite particularly when there is grog.
With an aye and avast and a swashbuckling cry
she leaps and sinks quite like a log.
But though the great Captain all hairy and fierce,
sings a triumphant shanty in cheer,
within precious few moments of reaching the deep,
our Heroine Claire reappears.
But instead of a pirate wench, bloomer-bedecked
she has transformed and rebirthed anew.
The sea-sprites enchanted her magical soul
and a mermaid rose sparkling and true.
She bobbed on the surface, all salty and svelte,
the great evil Captain was floored!
She floated away, all the victory hers,
to make merbabies, magic, and more : )

CIRCA 2008
Pirates Love, Oh Yes They Do
by Angela Lewonczyk
To pirate lovers near and far,
I take this chance to praise.
Of hearts and ships and fisticuffs,
it's all one pirate haze.
The lesson that I teach this year
is one of pirate love.
The truest treasure ever found
in any pirate cove.
Perhaps the journey makes you want
to walk that rusty plank.
With only minor little hopes
to float you to the bank.
But if for once you stop to think
of pirate diddies true.
There's rarely one that ends without
a rum-filled 'I love you'.
So man the ship, me hearties, yes!
I beg you, win this fight!
A battle for the will of love,
the Pirate's Love that's right!

CIRCA 2007
Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day!!!
Today is the day that my love of the sea
Is the only thing stronger than my love of me.
I wish, oh I wish I could frollick around
Through the billowing waves in a corseted gown
And then, wait, who is that, from the 'rizon he come.
A landlubbering swine? No, he's holding some rum!
And is that a fierce cutlass aswing by his side?
Oh huzzah and tra la tis a pirate arrived!
Without one single word he is wrapped round me tight
And the corset, so strong, has exploded on sight.
As the sun journeys down and the wind flys away
I am left with the pirate I love come what may.

CIRCA 2006
A Piratical Lament
by Angela Lewonczyk

Pirates here and pirates there
and pirates all around.
Pirates should be everywhere,
they should be world-renowned.

I heart them so for none can pass
their worth in my esteem.
They're beautiful but oh, alas,
of them I only dream.

For gone are days of frollicking
with pirates romantic.
Instead I'm melancholicing
for pirates archaic.

Today a pirate is a prat
who's fierce and uses guns.
Where are the cutlasses, the hats,
the wooden legs, the rum?

I want them all in flowy shirts,
on boats that carry grog.
Oh woe is me, oh how it hurts
to find no captain's log

That tells of shanties sung all night
by pirates in the mood
to tear through corsets pulled so tight,
a maudlin move, not rude.

But try I might to reeinvent
the piratechnics past
I'll have to end this sad lament
with memories that last.

CIRCA 2006

A New Pirate Poem by Angela Lewonczyk

The meaning of pirates is oh so profound
it's a thought that can hardly be brief.
It inspires us to sing shanties all in the round
while frollicking on a pink reef.
I heart all things pirate, the ayes and avasts,
especially the arrghs, swashs and buckles.
From the fine astrolabe to the ship's mighty mast
For all I would blaze my brass knuckles.

It's my dream to wed on a great pirate ship,
a fierce pirate king on my arm.
His hat I will wear and my corset he'll rip
he will love me but never do harm.

Too bad for the lame guys who never step up
but instead sit back in nervous fright.
Those landlubbers are but small non-scurvy pups
whom my scurvy dog pirates will bite.

But fortunately, there are those in our dreams
who make up for such devilish wrong.
Their scallywag ways are the booty we glean
to turn bilge into piraty grog.

So bring on that horizon our Cap'n Jack says
as his crew preps the galley below.
With a twinkling eye comes his last pirate phrase,
"Avast, me hearties, yo ho!"

CIRCA 2003
A New Pirate Poem by Angela Lewonczyk
Pirates are anywhere you want them to be,
they are under the dock or your skirt.
They make wonderful friends when you're steering your ship,
or when rolling around in the dirt.
In times of great need when life is a bore
their adventures will brighten your day.
Starboard, portside, below deck or up,
there is always a place for a lay.
But pirates are not only meant for the sex
cause they also know all about rum.
They like to sing songs about drinking some grog
and this is the tune that they hum:
"Ahoy ye matees, aghast and avast
for a pirate's life is oh so sweet.
Just give me a beauty and swill on your grog
and my life is just one giant treat.
Those land lubbers know not what they have been missing
when I hornpipe around my ship's galley.
Captain, first mate, or just random bloke,
we're all one big pirating ralley!"
So after a song and a drink up me hearties
it's time to get back to the lasses.
My sweet buxom beauty, they call to their girl
as they sit on their sweet pirate asses.
It's time for out plunder, they say with a grin,
Our booty we want to enjoy.
For booty is not just the treasure of gold,
it is also a womanly toy.
When finally night time has started full swing,
and the pirate king's wearing his crown.
He takes his fine wench to the bowels of the ship
and smartly says, well blow me down!
CIRCA 2003 or Earlier

Today blows like the wind in the sails.
Too bad there are no pirates here to tell us some tales,
cause I would not mind a swashbuckling mate
who might even think I'm cute and ask me to date.
Cept a pirate who dates is not what I like,
he's as sexy as maybe a tike on a trike
because what I most want is a Captain in shape
who is ready to take and not ravage but rape.
That is not to say that I want to be pained,
but when you put the word rape next to pirate
it therefore negates the sincerity meaned
and makes it more like sex with a mate.
A really really hot mate named Johnny Depp
who even when he has lost all his teeth
still makes me just want to do a time step
to make him take his sword from its sheath.
But not the metal kind of sword that you use to fight,
I mean more like the kind for the sex.
The sex I will have all day long and all night
with the fury of a giant T-Rex.
And then I will marry into the piracy clan
and make tons of pirate babies with hats
and they'll all wear peg legs and eye patches and sing songs
and make a musical that's more successful than Cats.
(castinets and timpani throughout)

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