Why the animosity you might ask? Well, because it's such a basic lesson one would have hoped it could have found its way into our genetic makeup as part of our instinctive skill set eons ago. Instead, it seems to be much easier to wallow in settled misery or at least melancholic discontent. I'm not so naive as to think that it's always rainy or shiny, two extremes warring at odds with no middle ground. But balance is absolutely a constant battle. And rather than dwell on the negative, I would rather view the rose-colored panorama for a moment. The thing I have repeatedly discovered is that when one tiny little thing goes well, it can often open the door to a cosmic gust. It's like the straw that breaks the camel, when it rains it pours, add fuel to the fire... except throw glitter on it all.
I muse upon this all today because the past few weeks have been dreary at best for me. Essentially broke after the holidays, searching for new opportunities, new friends, waiting for school to begin again, and trying to find creative inspiration somewhere, I've allowed myself to feel a little bit shrouded in the gloom from the Parisian cold and rainy seasonal haze. But over the course of one short weekend, I find that my whole outlook has evolved. I did have a bit of a deus ex machina (in the shape of ma mere the beloved) come to save the day, but I've also had a brilliant friend from home meet with me once a week on skype so that we can coordinate our lives and accomplish some of our goals. More often than not we have to schedule in our passions and aspirations, or they find their way drifting into our psyche but never taking a tangible thought. Now I have a ton of interviews coming up, a couple of exciting social activities to look forward to, school starts again next week, I have a bit of a writing gig on the horizon, and a reunion trip with friends for adventure.
Sometimes I think I confuse the words petulant and pertinacious. Sometimes I think they overlap, like the little girl in school who stubbornly convinced her 5th grade teacher to let her redo the entire class seating chart to match her own preferences because she clearly knew what was best for the class at the age of 10. I think as the springtime approaches, and no matter how early it may be we are all desperately pleading for its arrival, that tiny soul-petal willing itself to clamber through the terre and riot for acknowledgement can be the determining factor in setting off the magnetic energy for spring.