My annual report has, up until this year, been a consistent celebration of new visa, future hope, and past accomplishments. While three out of four of these criteria remain, one of them has been the main reason I have not yet posted my yearly opus, in addition to being my main cause for distress these past 12 months. For the first time in several years, I cannot claim that I have renewed my visa at the dawn of August, as I always have. The main reason is that, after a promise of a work visa last year, I waited several months, only to discover that papers were never received and months of stressful limbo ended in bitter disappointment. The good news is that I was able to break ties with a company that seemed to offer many empty promises. The bad news was that I was left at rather a loose end, as my old visa had already expired, it is insanely difficult to find teaching work that will sponsor your visa, and my cash flow quickly dwindled into oblivion. It was by far the most stressful year I have had in a long time. It is also far from being resolved.
I admittedly have a hard time with stress and limbo. I like to be proactive and take control, but there also comes a time when valuing flexibility and dodging curveballs is something you just have to accept in life. Particularly amidst an international climate filled with so many harsh and negative emotions, I find myself feeling selfish and self-pitying when I allow such minor hardships to cloud the mountains of luck and privilege I enjoy. So, while I make note of this year and the very visceral-feeling ups and downs, I now move on to highlight the endless pros.
Just after my birthday last year, I ran a marathon, something I never planned on or expected to do in my life. I am not a great runner, and the primary attraction was the fact that it was a "wine marathon", meaning that there were stops for wine tasting all along the route as you made your way through stunning chateaux in the South of France. To this day, I have zero idea how I finished a full 42 kilometers and lived to tell the tale. But I did. And it will be an accomplishment I will always have.
Due to my visa issues, I wasn't able to travel as much as I had liked, for fear of not being let back across the border. Happily, I still managed some amazing feats. I came home to the States for the holidays and spent time in New York, New Jersey, Philadelphia and Poughkeepsie. A month or two later, I squeezed in a long weekend with Hot Blonde Cousin in Munich, seeing castles, drinking beer and remembering haunting history. And of course, I went on a road trip with one of my beloved sisters, driving from Connecticut to Florida and back. Our primary objective was The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, my own personal mecca. I will be forever changed.
I spent my remaining time in Paris cultivating the friendships I have and making sure to still enjoy the beauty of the city. During my time spent at home, both for the holidays and now, I have been sure to value my long-term friends and family, those people who I cherish so dearly and who frankly provide the net I am sure is one of the main reasons I have not completely lost control this year.
I did not finish the novel I had set out to write a year ago, but I did make a dent in the project, in addition to having several travel articles published on various websites and truly making a portfolio I hope will help me find future writing work.
My summer back in the States has been rocky to say the least. My goal of three months hard work to glide me right back to my Parisian home has certainly stumbled. NYC was not super friendly in terms of work and money whereas Connecticut provides a mental respite but not as much inspiration. I am finding the support of friends and family more important than ever as I adjust my timeline but keep the fire lit.
I will make it back to Paris, perhaps even sooner than I think. I will apply for a new visa and, with the help of a lawyer, will be in an even stronger position than I was the past several years abroad. I will write my novel, redesign my website, and reignite the adventures that fill me with so much passion and joy. I wouldn't mind adding a bit of focus on health and ideally a dabble in male affection, but one step at a time. As the autumn approaches, a school girl season I tend to flourish under, I feel certain I will use my phoenix skills to rise again and be more sparkly, glittery and fiery than ever.
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