Friday, October 24, 2014

Kinder Eggstatic

It's come to my attention that I don't think I've ever truly given Kinder Eggs the level of accolade that they truly deserve. I have mentioned them, yes. Praised them, indeed. Made mention of their exquisite nature, absolutely... But I have yet to serenade them with the sweetness of praise that all great things must promote. I shall now rectify this grave error...

I discovered Kinder Surprise in their most beguiling form when I was studying abroad in London over a decade ago (pain!). Having always harbored a great love for Cadbury Creme Eggs, I think the egg shape was part of the attraction. I am also a fan of chocolate in most forms, and hazelnut/nutella-esque sweets are adored in equal measure. However, the most important part of this decadent dessert was of course the tiny toy that you get every... single... time. It's like getting a Happy Meal at McDonald's except that you don't have to eat the gross grease or endure walking into the blinding plastic cheer of a fast food restaurant. In addition, these toys are unlike any other. They are smaller, more miniature, and therefore cuter than most toys found as the result of colossal American food chains or mediocre cereal boxes. These toys normally have a European flare of distinct oddity. Sometimes they are functional! A piece of plastic jewelry, a little man who doubles as a small paint kit, or a minuscule water gun you can covertly make use of when no one is looking. Or better still, some of the wee cadeaux have absolutely no purpose at all, and you spend several minutes pondering why such a strange being was even thought of in the first place! Each category is equally as ridiculous and therefore equally as divine. 

Yes of course, even Kinder Surprise has not been left alone in a world of marketing and corporate domination. I have my Disney princess collection spawned from the chocolate eggs as well. And just the other day, I opened three different eggs in pursuit of the one that held a cartoon fairy in the center. But the point is that they infuse any day with happiness that cannot be denied. When I look around at the world, I sometimes wonder where the whimsy has gone. Why would you NOT want a little toy to comfort your soul when a day has gone awry. How could you NOT take ethereal pleasure from un petit jouet that does nothing but look awesome on your shelf. 

Last I checked, Kinder Eggs were banned from being brought into the States. Now, thank the good Unicorns above that homeland security didn't check my bags last Christmas because I definitely had no idea that my cargo of chocolate-soul-infusing-yumminess would be confiscated and merit a whopping fine when discovered. Still, I can't regret having given the gift of childish joy to my relatives... And of course, now I am lucky enough to live in a mecca of Kinder access. If you can get your hands on these tasty little gemstones, by all means do. And think of absurdity at its best when imbibing such fleeting delight.


  1. I love my Kinder surprise! My Disney princess stands proudly amongst my legos. Why are they banned for import?? Noooo! It's just chocolate?

    1. Oh oh! Which Disney Princess did you get?! I think the U.S. believes children will choke on the toys and they don't want lawsuits... Or they believe people are smuggling secrets inside the plastic eggshell.